Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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