Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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