i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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