In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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