I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
