a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
