On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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