I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
