Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
