Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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