She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
