My first STD was from a foam party
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
