u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
