We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
