my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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