i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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