those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
