after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam đ
I think you know youâve caught feelings when youâre asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
And, by âmake you dinnerâ I mean âhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.â So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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