I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
