Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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