I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
