I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
