this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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