it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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