Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
