So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
