You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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