i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
