can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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