bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
