Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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