3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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