you guys were way drunker than both of me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
