Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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