So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
