zippers are such a cool invention
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
