it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
