Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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