Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
