How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
