I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
