Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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