first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
