I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
