She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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