Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
