i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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