in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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