Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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