I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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